Aku Yang Dulu

Owh, dah lama gila tak bercakap tentang "Frozen Heart For Sale". I even wrote a poem (yang ntah pape) time D*eePeeA on heart matters because I used to feel I was not being treated justly. People tend to offer promises that I know wouldn't happen. I was a morbid person, due to being broken hearted, deeply. I keep on thinking of  'suicidal' thoughts (not literally suicide, but it was sort of a killjoy for me) of everything would end awfully for me. It occurs to be that lately I have been thinking the same. Am I going mad?

Frozen Heart For Sale, merely about a broken heart - beyond repair. Those were the moments I have lost the ability to trust. I would look that person in the eye and said bluntly whatever I think/feel at that moment without any guilt. And it felt good. I contemplate at myself, people's judgement etc. 

Then I met this someone. Who seemed to offer me a breathe of new life. But not for long. He couldn't decide yes or no, which I ended up deciding for him, and myself (or did he already have decided but I didn't get it? Hm). Truthfully, I never really regret what I've done. Life is too short to be upset on itsy bitsy matters. 

That guy doesn't want you? Find yourself another guy, or another hobby to take your mind off him.

A guy treated you badly but you love him too much? Leave him. You'll only break your heart because eventually he'll be leaving you too. (worse case scenario, he hurts you, physically or mentally).

You just broke up with a guy? Be around your friends and do things that you like or explore new things you've never tried before.

Do not try to be in a relationship once you've broken up with someone, because you know it's a rebound and it won't do you any justice, and pity the new guy too (unless he's willing to do anything, then thou shalt be called one hell opportunist haha).

Pity yourself and put yourself first before others. (Sounds selfish but it helps when you're heart broken).

Easy for me to say huh? Because I've been there. All of the above. Minus the rebound part. (I always pity people before myself, got me being taken advantage on. Duh.)

God has better plans for us. Now I am blissfully (insha Allah, till death do us part) married to a very perplexing (?!) yet very hopeless romantic guy. Hehhehehe...We're two different worlds. I'm a realist whilst he's more a bit of both idealist and realist. Sometimes we bicker due to non-understanding issues, mostly over stupid matters such as "Jangan tegur benda pelik-pelik tengah jalan malam-malam buta" (it was a black dog and I got too superstitious hahah...silly? Yeah, bite me :P). I'm still learning to embrace this feeling, this gift of having someone who loves you. I can be very bold and nasty, plus ungrateful too. I don't want to go back to that black pitch again.

Saving me from my old self.